"Playing dress-up begins at age five and never truly ends." —Kate Spade

I once heard the highest marker of man’s creativity is what he names his cat (or dog). I believe that to be true and might be why I have a Google doc saved of famous dogs and cats names I’ve come across.

Audrey Hepburn – Mr. Hollywood
Colette – El Magnifico
Elizabeth Bishop – Minnow
Mark Twain – Bambino
Sylvia Plath – Daddy
Tenesse Williams – Sabbath
Winston Churchill – Jock
Deborah Mitford – Whippet
Charles Bukowski – Butch Van Gogh Artaund Bukowski

The other night, watching a television show, I cried out in mild delight when the protagonist introduced her cat as Cat, short for Catherine.

I already have two cats. One I did not name (Oregano) and the other I sort of did (Chiggy - created as something close enough to his adopted name, Chevrolet). I don’t think they’re especially special names, but they are the names they came with and fit them.

Then there’s my daughter’s name: Emilia Sands Mandy. I am proud of that name. I believe it to be unique but grounded, original but not outlandish. Her middle name is an abbreviation of my grandmother’s maiden name so there’s history there as well.

Now that I’m done naming things, I’ve realized that creativity lies somewhere else. What we name things is really just an extension of how we view things. Everything we do is a creative choice - an extension of our unique personalities.

Gertrude Stein said that you can either invest in clothes or art. Unless you’re very rich, you can’t have both. I’ve always been one to invest in art- paintings, furniture, rugs, home adornments. Given the choice, I’d spend $5,000 on a beautiful Persian rug than a handbag. I have friends, however, who would do the opposite.

One of those people is my father-in-law, who recently stayed with us while recovering from his divorce. A few days after his arrival from Switzerland three large boxes arrived from UPS. Inside was a treasure trove of Burberry jackets, Dolce & Gabbana silk shirts, Gucci pants, belts. Most of the tags were still on. “I want you to try and sell these,” he told us.

We got them appraised by a secondhand retailer and what they said they could sell them for wasn’t worth a fifth of what he bought them for. He couldn’t part with them for such a low price. “I made a mistake,” he told me. “I bought these clothes and I have never worn them. I don’t know what I was thinking,” he lamented. I understood. Half my closet was full of the same mistake. “You bought them for the life you wanted to live in them,” I said.

Who we want to be and who we actually are diverges and eventually, we have to accept one and throw away the other. We can imagine and dream of ourselves, our lives, one way, but our true self is exposed by our habits, our choices, our predisposed tastes. We can pretend we’re one way -- buy clothes, decorate our homes -- but until we understand and accept who we really are, we’ll never embody our true personalities. We’ll never find our true personal style.

You know when you meet someone and you can just tell: that person is wholly and uniquely themselves. When you walk into their homes you’re overwhelmed by how comfortable or personal it is. What you’re really saying is they have style, which is another way of saying: they understand themselves. So why do so many of us, myself included, feel like we haven’t found that yet? Why do we waste so much money on clothes we don’t wear, rugs we wish we never bought, furniture we wish we could return. As Iris Apfel said, “The key to style is learning who you are, which takes years.”

In school, Helena Bonham Carter was insecure of her legs. She covered them with billowing dresses and skirts. Thus, she said, these clothes became her armor. And her amor, which she used to hide her insecurities, became her trademark. “Long skirts cover it all. It’s a bit like Frida Kahlo – you end up inventing your armour because you’re hiding something, which in fact then becomes your virtue.”

“Girls know, I think, when they’re looking at someone brilliantly self-invented, who is called “eccentric” when what they really are is simply not someone who is off the peg.”

I’m saying all this because I’ve hit a point where I need to invest in my home. We’ve been here almost a year and I have yet to buy one new piece of furniture. My daughters room, I realized the other day, is depressing. It’s bare and white and I hate that she’s growing up in such a cold and empty sanctuary. Yet I'm frozen. Stuck. Unable to decorate it for fear of choosing the wrong things. I don’t want to spend money because I’ve been down this road before. Do you have any idea how expensive wallpaper is? The last thing I want to do is invest in expensive wallpaper only to hate it two years later.

(This is the wallpaper I've become obsessed with and now think I want it in the living room instead of Emmy's room)

I’m trying to examine who I am, what I value, what part of me, my tastes, isn’t going to change. Instead of thinking how I want to be perceived, I’m trying to figure out who I am, at my core. What I actually like, what makes me comfortable, what makes me happy. Which is different from what makes me look cool, what makes a statement, what I want people to believe about me.

I try and tell my friends when I see glimpses of their unique style. One friend, who is not a writer, I always tell her she should be. She has incredible wit. A great way with words. I tell her if she doesn’t want to be a writer than at least she should try her hand at letters, to friends, to family. Invest in some beautiful, personalized stationary and make that your thing. Another friend, she loves earrings. She made a decision years ago that she’d rather have drawers full of earrings than shoes. I have another friend who pulls off insane glasses. Large, thick black rimmed reading glasses. Blue glasses. Clear aviators. That’s her thing. A pair for every outfit, every mood.

You can’t copy style, you invent it. You invent it from insecurity, from thrift, from those things that excited you as a child and you never let go. You invent it from those small glimpses of things that attract you.

Look at what you wear every day. Out of all the clothes in your closet, what are the four or five pieces you gravitate to over and over again? Pull them out, note the thread between them, then lock in on whatever that is. The same goes for your home. What pieces of your house give you the most sense of peace? Of happiness? Of this is who I am. Is the bedspread you bought years ago? The painting that hangs in your bathroom? What is it about it that you love?

"Odd as it may sound," said Twyla Tharp. "Personality is a skill. You can choose and develop aspects of it that will draw people to you." Our personality and our personal style are intertwined and I'd like us to use this week, this month, to spend some time honing in on what makes us unique, what makes us special, what parts of our personality are worth exploiting and capitalizing on. When it comes to buying a new mug, a new t-shirt, a dress from a wedding. Whatever you are about to invest in, take a minute to ask yourself: Is this me?

-Quote of the Week-

I think everything in life is art. What you do. How you dress. The way you love someone, and how you talk. Your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink your tea. How you decorate your home. Or party. Your grocery list. The food you make. How your writing looks. And the way you feel. Life is art.

-Helena Bonham Carter

-Read of the Week-!

I retain the belief that other people’s homes are real where mine is a fabrication, just as I imagine others to live inner lives less flawed than my own. And like my daughter, I, too, used to prefer other people’s houses, though I am old enough now to know that, given a choice, there is always a degree of design in the way that people live.

Read: Making House: Notes on Domesticity

-Tidbit of the Week-

Money Bowel: Make sure the area is clean and tidy then place a bowl in the back left corner of your home (or room) to bring abundance into your life. The bowl can be filled with coins, crystals, herbs, incense, or any other lucky items that draw abundance. This is your message to the universe saying money is being drawn to you.

-Quotes about Style-

Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.
— Rachel Zoe

Style is something each of us already has, all we need to do is find it.
— Diane von Furstenberg

You have to find your own style, and it's difficult to define what style is. It's not what you're wearing; it's how you wear it. It's something very personal, and it reflects the way you live and your house, the books you read, the art you have.
— Carolina Herrera

You will express yourself in your house whether you want to or not.
— Elsie de Wolfe

People don't realize the essence of style and how it does not so much relate to clothes it's a way of living. A new dress will get you nowhere it's the life you're living IN that dress that matters!
— Diana Vreeland

-Thought of the Week-

Ever wonder why it’s called a housewarming? Fire is a classic symbol of strength and purity, which is why many European traditions involve lighting a candle or a fire on your first night in a home. Doing so is said to ward off evil spirits by casting away darkness. This was back before modern conveniences such as electricity made doing that much easier, but you have to admit, there's something special about the glow of real flames to mark this special occasion.

-9 Housewarming Traditions From Around The World

-TV of the Week-

I'm a HUGE fan of Daisy May Cooper, who I discovered on her breakout show This Country, which she co-created and co-wrote with her younger brother, Charlie Cooper. It's HILARIOUS but unfortuantely only on BBC.

Her newest creation, however, is on HBO and it's worth a watch. While it's not the same comedy as This Country, it's quirky and full of interesting characters and dilemas. While only one episode is out, I can already tell it's going to be a hit. Check out the trailer.