Things We Don't Say

The fight with my parents has seemingly resolved itself, yet the past week I’ve been waking at 3 a.m. in what I believe are panic attacks.

This is new for me. I don’t really panic. I get sad. I cry. But I don’t stress. I tend to avoid that emotion, bypassng it through cleansing emotional outbursts. Clearly, however, something was bubbling up.

There was something that happened. A few weeks ago Jay and I got into bed and even though we always say we’ll go to sleep early, we end up watching something, then talking. This particular night, I remember telling him how content I was. I’d just gotten a royalty check (they come every three months, some, like this one, bigger than others) and it felt like a sign - a good time to bring up the conversation I'd been trying to have.